I’ve been in a constant battle to fix the past.
Now I realized, it’s easier to go with the flow of things.
Yes, there are things I wish to change. Yes, if given the opportunity, I would change them.
But I won’t fight it anymore because it’s tiring and futile.
I’m happy, and that’s what matters.
My first rejection: Vanderbilt School of Medicine
I saw Jason online so I decided to talk to him about it. To say the very least, he made me feel a lot better…
Jason: Thats one of the schools that interviews very few
me: I thought they were ivy friendly
Lately, regrets have been eating me up: things I could’ve done, things I should’ve done, things I did.
I wish that I had the ability to stop thinking and just jump into it. To not wonder and linger on the past are traits that I hope one day I can acquire.
Yet, at the same time, maybe this is who I am? I would be a different person if I were to lose this part of myself. Although, it hurts a lot, what do I do?
Even my hesitation to let go of this part of myself shows my inability to not over analyze.
Am I able to let go and cherish the past but look forward to a bright future?
I need courage, and I need hope.
After I finished my medical school applications, I came to the realization, my future is no longer in my control. Where I’ll end up will depend on admission committees from all around the country: If they like me as an applicant, if they see me as a good fit for the school, if they view me as qualified…
I wonder where I’ll end up in the end. I’ll be 27 by the time I graduate. Who would I be then? What then? It’s so strange.
So, I have an unusual talent. I don’t know if it’s so much talent as my inherent craziness.
I can remember people and certain things about them (scores, class ranking, etc.). It’s strange. I don’t actually want to remember that, but I just do.
I think this can be useful if I can somehow manipulate it so that when I have patients, I can associate certain scores with certain diseases.
I.E. A 3.7 gpa with a 38 MCAT. Oh that patient has retinal detachment and high blood pressure.
A 3.97 –> OMG, that patient has a severe disease
I finally finished all my secondary medical school applications. Now it’s time to wait…it’s good to finally be done with this phase.
I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I have this weird feeling that something is going to happen, but I don’t know what. I think I’m clairvoyant. 
I’ve been losing weight like crazy. I’m not even trying. Something about California makes me just shed off those pounds.
Back to the main point of this post: My head is too big for my body. I look like a lollipop.
I think I have regained my gunner mentality.
I was able to finish 18 medical secondary applications within the past 4 days, screen many exons in lab, read tons of papers, watch movies, and still had time to go out with friends and sleep.
How do I do it? Not really sure. But I am quite impressed with myself. 
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isabellangalai
